Live Life Love

The blog has closed down!

2007-05-19T23:43:00.000+08:00

Hey all,
This blog has closed down.

Come visit Zeoane at www.simplylivinglifelove.blogspot

Bidding farewell...

2007-04-22T10:56:00.000+08:00

Went down with jiahui and her mum to see the name numerologist on my name which has accompanied for 22 years of my life. Had a fun time laughing and acknowledging how true they were, yet on a serious note to take care of certain aspect.

Here it goes...

1) Righteousness: Peiling belong to the wuxiaxiaoshuo era where she will stand up for her friends. When her friends call upon her help, she will be the first to arrive kind.

2) Keen in helping people but efforts are often not appreciated.

3) Strong sense of responsibility but end up clearing other people shit as well.

4) Not much of a wealth person cos when her friends borrow money from her, she is cool with not getting back. (jiahui and i exchanged glances and broke into laughter cos we were just discussing over msn to strategise how to get our money back from ppl who owed us!haha)

5) Eccentric by nature cos i live in my own world. Nobody will ever understand me cos even i have an issue in understanding myself. I tend to withdraw from crowd to live in my world. (no wonder i so loved spent time with myself and i can shut everyone else out. and no wonder jia & wei can click so well, cos we are the same pattern. omg..Even bryant(wei's bf) also has that element. form different but essence is there. Cos we love our world so much. Even when we are all together, we are not. wahh..)

6) Tom-boyish character: Mix very well with girls and boys. They make no difference to Peiling, end up cannot find ideal partner. And once guys begin to take interest in her, she runs away. (sound so familiar)

7) Hardworking and puts in effort but results don't show much.

8) Smart and give suggestions that are often unacceptable in current era. Too advanced so to speak.

9) Dreams alot ..even my dream runs a production drama series. The longer i sleep, the more tired i am. Result in poor mental state and affect my memory which in turn affect my studies. (hmm...)

10) Health wise gotta take note of lower part of body- Womb and cervix area. Possible miscarriage due to weak cervix. (alamakkk...)

11) Self-sacrificial for the greater good.

12) Like a man. Boyish by nature. Decisive in doing what she wants. (haha..that explains huh)

As for Joan this name,

Eeden commented it is such a old name. And i argued it represented JOAN OF ARC. Then he replied, yahh..self-sacrificial type. Fought the war and went home to get assassinated. Joan is a talent but she wont get recognised for her efforts and credits go to other people.

And my decision is..

Get a modified name and changing my statutory name to reflect my father's surname. And i will be known as Miss GOH!!! Finally..... my siblings and cousin are all gohs, but i'm the only wu. Sad can! I'll get a new english name too. Most likely will be doing my conversion after i come back from Beijing and can start calling my new name in 2 weeks time.

Never thought i would take this jump but well for 平安 purpose. It doesnt matter afterall. Anyway our lives are governed by 天，地，人. 天 is destined ..we have no control on that. 地 is where we play around with fengshui at home and office etc. 人 is where we can change our luck by changing name. To balance our elements (fire,water,metal,earth,wood) so as to support the eight characters which is fixed already.

天时地利人和 --> in a nutshell. Timing, place and luck play crucial factors.

So gonna bid farewell with Wu Peiling and Joan Wu (and recent joannie), the identities which my brain associated herself with. Really putting me into the next test to detach myself from my names i have been using for years.

If your name is taken away from you, so who are you really?

I'm nothing lo.... hahahaha.

Bid farewell to my joannielivingfuneral.blogspot, gmail accounts, msn.... old one has to go so that new one can come!!!

wOOhOOOooo!!!! :D

My first delivery...

2007-04-20T23:11:00.000+08:00

Sound so...no is not what you think! hehe.

Anyway had a celebration from the recent TCC graduates.

And yes my dear esther has finally graduated.

My beloved shifu, Alex!

Celebrate life with me!:D

wOohOOOoo!!!!

2007-04-14T13:40:00.000+08:00

wooHooo...that's the end of my examination. OMG..i just finished my year 3 in SMU. Time flies..but anyhow will still enjoy the moment..like now..NOW..NOWWWW!!!

One more week to the graduation of MCW aka making courage work. And i'll see Esther graduating from the program. Very excited for her and me. It has been a hell of a ride. So much growth and ass kicking moments with her. And guess what...We are so going to Beijing together. hahaa. And she's going for BLP aka basic leadership program with me too. Yes..is all meant to be. Always have my mind on miss peiying who is still in France! Yes and we miss you alright! Waiting for you to come back and share with us your update. And you bet will share ours. Really wish that you are here to witness our the growth esther and i. Oh well, things happened for a reason i can always update you over msn. hehe. The threesome on board still waiting for others to join us on our journey. The name of the journey is called...

Journey to within.

Still have 4 weeks plus in Singapore before i leave for Beijing. So much to catch with friends and tie up things. so want to stay in singapore to do the work...but i have asked for this long time back and now that is here. I shall go with the flow. Better go kick ass in Beijing man! make my stay there worthwhile. Gotta be. Either place i'm in, there's so much things to learn. How i wish i can be in both place at the same time. Haven master that level of skills yet. hehe.

How nice would it be for me to live a life where i do coaching, energy work and investments...

*intention sent. :)

Here's my lovely picture of my sisters- Weiling and Jiahui. Thank you for witnessing my growth throughout. We are meant to meet and grow together. Seeing all the events that brought us all together and being of a support to each other. Really very grateful for this. Sisters for LIFE! *Cheers!

Trials of life

2007-04-12T13:57:00.000+08:00

When you said who you want to be.
When you know what you want.
Life test you in every way she wants to constantly remind you if this is really who you want to be, what you really want.
Life tempts you by sending the closest people around you to check on you.
Life lures you by attracting new friends to you and check on you.
Are you sure this is what you want?
Are you sure this is who you said you want to be?
Are you sure?
Life shows you what you dont want to let you know what you want.
Life shows you who you are not to let you know who you are really.
Life dares you in what you want and who you are.
The value of who you are and what you are is what you already seen for yourself.
Your feelings have already communicated to you about who you are and what you want.
Are you doubting the voice within you?
Even when people listen, they don't hear.
Even when they hear, they have no faith about what they have heard.
Thats how man usually screw self up.
So that he can continue the drama of his life and bitch about his life the way it has always been.
For a lifetime perhaps. Or probably a few.
How sad.
Silly man.
For all that has happened, what signals have been giving out for you to invite all these into your life?
It starts from within.
Choose powerfully then.

Ask and it shall be given
Seek and you shall find.

Once found, LIVE & EXPERIENCE it.
Get the essence of it.
And live the life you called forth.

Make the container bigger

2007-04-08T12:14:00.000+08:00

Life always has her way of bringing her lesson across. Just when you are troubling on trvial stuff about yourself, she hit you with something bigger for you to go make your contribution. Was bitching with jiahui sis yesterday about our running production drama series of our lives, then came to know of someone who is critically ill and left with 2 months of life span. It reminded me of how i persuaded aunty mary to allow Jayme (shifu) to visit her and talked about cancer. He is a traditional chinese practitioner who treats primarily cancer and stroke patients in the past. It was challenging to bring her see this possibility. Due to unfamiliarity of what it seems so simple when you know about how your body works and disease information. Really..what is unsolvable? what is incurable? If is incurable, then is curable from within. :)

It always hit me to remind me about the container i have which i can always make it bigger and to choose what are stuff to be inside. Got reminded to use my time wisely to create impact on other's lives. Called up Aunty mary and her husband to check on how are they. She has been fighting this battle for 2 years. She has always been my source of inspiration to remember her fight and spread her fighting spirit to others in similar shoes. The road ahead is narrow and only the convicted ones claim their prize.

People have the perception of how help should come in their way in such crisis. But the truth is, help comes in many forms. Do you have the eyes and heart to see and the ears to hear? Looking back at how my life is experienced with my life situation, tcc,pos and etc and my trainings... they built me to where i am today and who i am today. These are the lessons i want to learn and for my growth.

Whatever you are experiencing today, get the essence of what these lesson are about. Cos if you miss it, you would have to go for remedial class from life. yess...something similar will show up again. And sometimes you wonder why your relationship with your gf/bf breaks down at certain point..without fail?! Man is so stupid cos we live like we always do and do the default pattern we have in executing our matters, and we wonder why the hell we get the same result over and over again, yet expecting a different result. Fat hope! :D

Let's laugh at mankind stupidity. Now I understand why Kelvin (shigong) said that.

Dumb. Dumb dee dee..dumb dumb deee deee dumb dumb deee deee deee dumb!

The tagging game!

2007-04-04T17:11:00.000+08:00

This is what you are supposed to cut and paste if you decide to participate in the tagging game. Each player of this game starts off by giving 6 weird things about themselves. People who get tagged need to write in a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state the rules clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. After you do that, leave them each a comment letting them know you tagged them and to read your blog.

6 weird things about me!

1) I literally zi bian zi dao zi yan when i'm young then as i grow older i zbzdzy in my mind. Very long production. Tires me out!

2) I'm a drama-mama queen! I have alot of facial expression within that split second. Don't ask me how i do it. Talent..what to do?! haha

3) I'm always so fun and cheerful in my outlook of life. Sometimes people see me also buay tahan, i really cannot help it mah. Simply what i chose to live my life by.

4) I don't talk like what my age suggest. Can be very mature in my thoughts until sometimes i also don't know where those words come from. And yes i do self-admiration. Wonder how the hell i did it.

5) Everytime i saw my brother rat, i will paused and showed a fearful look. Been trying hard to accept it for who it is..hehe. i will stomp my way thru to let brother rat, the sister rat is walking past so not to expect its presence. My subtle way of discouraging its presence.

6) Am i really that weird..?! Cannot think liao leh. Ok i accept i am weird la!

Alrighty..next 6 persons to tag include, Peiying, Debbie, Weiling (xiaomei!), Xuefen, Chuanwei, Kaixin.

It has been an enriching experience so far from coaching people. In order to champion others' growth, you gotta be even bigger so that you can hold them in your capacity. Pretty much exciting stuff has lined up for me this year...well let's just look at from april to december first.
- Money opportunities
- April Energy Camp/ May Energy Camp enrollment
- Coaching program
- Basic Leadership Program
- Internship to Beijing
- Final Year Project

Gotta build self stronger and squeeze out the marrow of life with the opportunities i have. Get ready for the ultimate FLIGHT next May after i graduate. Who knows it could happen earlier. I'm sure it will.

Have you wondered what are you gonna do after you graduate?

I've been thinking for very long time. Where's my path? Where should i go? I guess that's a common question for people who are graduating soon. And the common reply is that i don't know what i want. I dont know where i want to go.

The truth is you know already.

It is just the lack of courage to admit and be committed to what you want truly. When you said that, you are going to be held accountable for what you say. Isn't it so convenient to brush it aside to say you don't know. We can deceive the world around us..but we can't run away from ourselves. We know what's best for us to live this life with. Many times we wanted to please others like our parents in doing what they want us to become, but come to think of it, is that what you want? Is that the kind of life you want?

When you want something badly, the whole universe will conspire to get you what you want.
- The Alchemist

People whom you are meeting now or who have come into your paths, they are here to receive a gift from you. You are already a gift anyway. :)

Life is fun and funny. Laugh about it. Is hilarious when you see it. :)

Relationship

2007-03-20T17:31:00.000+08:00

It begins when it begins.
And it ends when it ends.
It ended when it has to.
No turning back cos it ended.
No stories to be churned out to allow the continuation.
No attachment to what it was in the past.
Simply cos,
it ended.

It is only the ending of one relationship that allows the beginning of another.
Seeing the person for who he/she is.
Accepting for who he/she is.
Enjoying the moments together as they are.
Making no meaning to whatever comments or stories created.

Patience, to enjoy the moment that it brings about.
Love, to be in the experience of.
Joy, to be shared in the moment.

Realised how tired i made myself become.
Running the endless cycle.
It has to end now.
Probably thats what my body is protesting about.
It shall rest and recover now.

Complete!

All about choice.

2007-03-11T23:21:00.000+08:00

A choice to be in the experience of fun.
A choice to be made not to make a choice at all.
A choice to be made not to take the jump.
A choice to look around and read your options.
A choice to be in the passive mode.
A choice to be driven by love.

Whatever the choice would be, is yours.

There's no right or wrong to what we do in life. Perhaps to consider does it serve you in bringing you to your higher self if that is the choice you want to live by.

BOREDOM.

2007-03-08T14:25:00.000+08:00

In the experience of boredom, seeking for excitement through finding faults. Picking on what's isn't there. Feeling the feeling of boredom. Nothing. Nothingness. Fragmented thoughts. Clouded. A waste of energy and time. Worth the effort?

A matter of choice at the end of day. When there's beginning, there's an end. When there's no beginning to begin with and there's no end to end with. That is really what is it now. Not until you make something out of it and make it mean something. Life is a drama series and i'm the drama-mama. That's how man keep himself occupied isn't it?! What is there to live for when you are in a meaningless life and trying to make a meaning out of it. Yet there is a meaning to life and is what you give it to.

But the truth is..it is indeed meaningless. And we are meaninglessly nothing and insignificant. How depressing this entry seems to be. hehe. And i just wanna laugh at how the world is like and how people are functioning their everyday of their lives. And laugh at how i play my life.

What a life.

Spread HEALTH and LOVE

2007-02-18T23:34:00.000+08:00

Happy new year to all. May you and your family be blessed with good health, happiness and prosperity. :D

Been clearing up my clutters, free up internal and external environment. woohooo!!! Spent my days cleaning up the house..the car with my family. Really a family project, building this home with them. It reached a point when i saw how we worked together and i really appreciate what this home provided me with - love. Being in gratitude to be born in this family, growing with them. :D Thankful for the fact that my dad led and trained this family right from the beginning, planted the seeds on the middle path in us before he left. A true leader is being able to allow the followers to survive well on their own even without his presence. he already gave us the foundation on what it takes for us to increase our capacity. Yes..i love my dad!!!:D And i wanna be born in this family again in my next life!!! :D My choice!

What would love do at this moment? i saw what love could do at every moment, through my experience with my grandmothers, aunties and cousins. Beautiful. The best part is my own family joins me to spread love and health to them too. it is my intention for people to awaken their health consciousness in them and start taking care of themselves. Being responsible for their lives. Imagine what would that world looks like when people do that? Well, this is just gonna be the world that i wanna create for myself. Whatever the mind can conceive, it can be created and experience in reality. Whatever your reality means to you. :P

This is my game for life. Being love and spread love. :) I found joy in doing so. Everyone is capable of doing that. Small love and Big love! Call me idealist? yes speaking! haha. That's how my world is like, my dears. Wanna be part of it? You may get lifetime subscription from me. My pleasure and honour.

Welcome to my living funeral!

Cheers!

What is your game of life looks like for you?

Remember that you are created in the image and likeness of God, you have all it takes to turn that into reality. :D

Your life work is a statement of who you are.
*from conversation with god.

TIMING

2007-02-16T18:47:00.000+08:00

People went on their lives searching for what they used to experience. People went on in their lives to discover about themselves. People love to go in circles that how’s their lives usually turn out to be in certain domain or all domains of their lives. Life is not about discovering but rather about creating what you want out of life. The sad truth is what they’re searching for, can never be discovered. Cos it is all in the moment of creation. Every experience gives you a certain feeling. Once the moment pass, you can never get it back. That’s the power of NOW!

The desire to go back to that experience so as to feel how it feels again, why is there a desire in the first place? What have you not let go? What have you live in regret- to re-live that moment? Who are you trying to kid?

Self.

Welcome to the vicious circle of your life. The very reason that enables you to live the way you are is probably that has been serving you. Else why would you be hanging on to that tightly. Or probably it hasn’t cost you bad enough for you to budge. Sad.

Just amazed me how mankind live their lives, running their drama series over and over again. I’m one of the director/scriptwriter and actor for such act. What was mine? To live my dragon boat experience through my stay in SMU. Defintely regretful for things which I have yet to achieve in my jc days. What a confession man. :D But came to realize that things will never be the same. Entire different team, culture and environment. What’s with the comparison? I’ve learnt acceptance. I’m more interested in what I want to create out of my stay in the team, that’s probably one of my wisest course of action. And when is time, there’s no point for you to hang on when you learnt the truth. And you move on.

Sometimes we hang on too much and kill the other possibilities. Only when we learn to let go then we can decide if it is worth hanging on to in the first place. Gotta see how it has been serving you and how it is not. Then you simply choose. Life is a matter of choice. People often laugh at this statement, wondering how is that possible?! Do we really have choice? Yes we do! Hell yeah! :p You can choose to be happy right now! It doesn’t has to depend on the many conditions you set yourself to achieve or get out of the relationship with your partner. Just choose to be happy. Life is very simple. Why makes it so complicated? The question is,

What do you want?
What do you really want for yourself?
Go listen to the voice from within! It has probably been long forgotten and neglected by you.

I’m not ready?!
When will you be ready then?
If not now, then when?
Who?
If not you then who?
*from conversation with God (awesome book)

Come to think of it, I’ve been through that drama series myself. Reminded me of the caterpillar- butterfly story. Long time ago, there was a caterpillar wanting to grow into a butterfly. But it was fighting real hard to get itself out of the cocoon. A person saw its struggle and wanted to help the caterpillar so that it can turn into a butterfly faster. He helped. And the caterpillar died.

Everything in life has its own timing.

I’ve often reminded by this on how tolerant people are towards me in growing out of my shit. They really gave me space and time to allow me to grow out of it. Life is really full of shit. Gee. And we are all shit-clearers, whether you like it or not. Or you just got really stucked with that. Pardon for my crudeness. (you get my point right.) I have to learn about tolerance. J

So much so that people in my lives been telling me the walls in front of me whenever I embark my journey, I can’t see it until I finally hit one myself. (yeap that may be not very smart way to experience) Until you see it as an issue, then you begin to work on it. Else, just keep on doing what you do. Life is a circle. Just a matter of time. J What goes around comes around. That’s how life works, isn’t it?

So tell me,

WHAT DO YOU REALLY WANT FOR YOURSELF?

Love.

2007-02-12T18:42:00.000+08:00

Living life, loving life, loving me...loving you.

What is the power of love?

Caught Conversation with God recently. Powerful.
There was a part when the author was promoting his book in the library and a lady came up to him ask, "Who is the friendly God he is referring to when he took away my son?" she has faced obstacle in her life where she adopted her son and planned to let her son knew about his truth when he was much older. The mother finally told him when he was 14, the son became rebellious and suffered in his own ways. to salvage the situation, the mother promised him to find his parents no matter what it takes when he is 18 years old. Then when he was 18 years old, he was knocked down by a vehicle, resulting in his death.

The author took a moment to answer the mother. he walked up to her and looked her in the eyes.

"Your son died because of your promise to him that you wil find his parents no matter what it takes. The only way to let him be with his parents was to let the son die so that he can reunite with his family."

They broke down. Sometimes the words just came out at the right time, right space..no idea where the words come from. From within. The wisdom that each of us has.
...............................................................................

What would love do at this moment?

...............................................................................

Stop looking for love elsewhere. Love will find its way to you...

Fate determines who comes into your life, but the heart determines who stays.

A quiet night...

2007-02-06T21:51:00.000+08:00

A stroll around the neighbourhood.
Enjoy my traditional ice-cream from the ice-cream uncle.
Feel the breeze...
Feel the silence...
Watch the trees by the road side...
Watch the creation...

Feel the love from U.

Be silent. And you wlll hear.

Time to say goodbye!

2007-02-05T14:49:00.000+08:00

Chinese New Year is coming! Mum decided to get the family new furniture, sofa, dining table, coffee table and tv console. Wow..our very first time having brand new furniture after waiting 21 years of my life. We can finally have something on our own! Dame exciting. Planning to throw away old stuff which has been with us for my 21 years of my life. Gotta clear my house..my room's stuff. clearing my clutter..:) Looks like i've been actively cleaning my space! woohoo! Nice!

The old one has to go so as to make room for the new.

But gotta acknowledge that these furniture has served the family well. And is TIME to move on. :)

Been watching my past pattern on relationship, seems to reappear again. Not going back to my cycle any more. Do something different this time round..for goodness sake, balance my perspective. yess...please kick my ass when i go into my trap. Thanks babe! :P

People live the way they do and complain why they are experiencing the kind of problems they have, just a matter of getting used to it about the way they do. Until we realise, be ready to get stucked in the cycle. Until the lesson is learnt, we will keep on attracting the same issue for us to learn. Else, gonna come back to restart the whole cycle again. What a life. geee...

Goodbye to my pattern!

Insignificantly Significant!

2007-02-02T14:47:00.000+08:00

It has been especially triggering hanging out with tcc-ed/pos-ed people. Crazy us! But very fun. Appreciate your presence to be of a constant reminder to my growth and my machines. To train the ego part to shut up and listen. Been a mirror to my friend..unintentionally. It reminded me of my secondary school days where i was super serious and strong. My attempt. hehe. Wanna give my dear friend a hug hug! All is well! :D

Truth:
We are FOS.
We are nothing.
We are insignificant.
Nobody cares a shit about you.

Life is meaningless.

Are you disturbed by reading this entry? :p

*cough cough ...ego*

An inspiring life!

2007-01-29T17:41:00.000+08:00

Life is liken to a storybook where you write your own personal short stories throughout your life. A new chapter begins and it ends when is time to. The story goes on in moments of anger,joy, sadness in the chapters. They are merely here for your growth to fulfill your purpose in life (which is for you to find out when is time to). One of the greatest lesson i learnt so far is from Dr DeMartini which is to count your blessings, be gratitude. So much abundance from life which i receive and still receiving.

Closing the chapter on my dragonboat. I began dragonboat with coaching the folks and i ended my last day with coaching the newbies. Life is indeed a circle.

I have moved on to writing my chapter on energy healing and coaching for my growth. Lots to learn, lots to experience. :) Spreading health and love through the work i do. This inspires me to lead an inspiring life, to live life love. Attract loving people into my life. Attract people who are looking for health, energy and love. Come to me. :)

I declare to live an inspiring life where people would also be inspired to live an inspiring life and be of an inspiration to others. Pay it forward. :D

Possibilities are everywhere is just how we let our framework limits what we should get in life, rather than what do we really want in life. Say the life you're living now is a white sheet of paper, how would you draw the kind of life you see yourself living in?

For people who are interested to find out about working on their health:

1) PREVIEW DATES for the health-conscious-interested-considering-and-eager-to-find-out people!
DATES: SATURDAY 10 FEB 2007 and 3 MAR 2007
TIME: 8:30am - 10:30am
VENUE: East Coast Park Beach in front of CARPARK C4
COST: FREE!

2) ENERGY CAMP for the ONZ ones!
DATES: 17 - 18 MAR 2007
TIME: SAT (9am) - SUN (12pm)
VENUE: Marina Ubin Resorts
COST: $300.00

3) 3-DAY ENERGY ADVANCE CAMP for the ONZ-ONZ ones!
DATES: 30 MAR - 1 APR 2007
TIME: FRI (9am) - SUN (12pm)
COST: TBA
PREREQUISITE: Completed ENergy Experience Camp.

Be Health and Love always!

Should you be open to this possibility, let me know. Allow me to do the honor of showing you to the door. :)

Memories from Team SMU Dragonboat

2007-01-26T22:15:00.000+08:00

It has been a fastastic 2 years with team smu. A team which was trained from scratch. Thankful for the training and opportunity to lead and serve the team in every way i could. So much to learn from each of them. As i looked back to the times i spent during the training and with them, given all that i learnt from my external training..i really have no regret. In fact this is one of the best moment in which i grow with them right from the beginning. Began a journey with them..where the brave souls decided to join us, not knowing what the sport does.

Now is time for me to leave to pursue other passions. I don't know how i'm gonna do it but i'll just ride on the whatever opportunities that come along and people who would give me a hand to move towards my goal.

Our recruitment drive..fun times!

School bash..been ages since i last stepped into club! Once in a blue moon is fine. haha.

Opportunities are everywhere!

2007-01-21T22:26:00.000+08:00

Matter of perspective. Things happened for a reason. We do not know why they do in that moment and the universe makes no mistake in letting us go through what we had to. It is just part of the master plan for you to grow into whoever you wish to be.

It has been my training week of energy work and coaching. Those people whom i met there were simply fantastic, so much to share and learn from their experience. Also, I did even more work on myself to compensate for the lack of experience. yeap is an advantage to be the youngest there. The look on their face..was like..what you're only 21!!! yeap just felt very blessed that i'm given such exposure in this area of work. Whenever i thought of where i am now, i remembered how i began my journey. My mentor, alex, showed compassion and love towards my growth and support for me to become bigger than who i am. I'm inspired by him which inspires to pay it forward. He's one of the best gifts i ever gotten from life and brought me into the work. It is always interesting to note how things got started. If not for my encounter with him, I'll still lead the way I am back when i was 19 years old. Actually i also don't know what will turned out if things remained the way they were. But well, is the now that is important.

The moment I am awake, I will never go back to sleep again...ever again.

Life is such a celebration!

For everyone who crosses your path, consider there's something to be learnt there. Woo especially from those nasty..bitchy..whatever names you call them. :) These are the people whom you can learn the most from.

So many people whom i wanna express my gratitude to:

Dad - for teaching me how to fish, plant the seeds of middle path for me to walk & bringing me up
Mum - for sparing a thought for how i feel, provides for me and raising me up
Sis - for teaching me what's justice and fairness
Bro - for showing me what's fun
Hobbish - for showing me loyalty and love
lin lao shi - for listening
Mrs Wong - for listening
Miss Foo - for showing me what's passion and listening
Alex - for inviting me to the path and compassion
Kelvin - for showing me the path, love, eternity
Jayme - for showing me miracles of life
Sumei - for impacting my mum and brother
Mei and Wei - for being a dear sister as my pillar of support and strength, kick my ass
Jiahui - for listening, sharing, support, kick my ass
Eric - for being my mirror and trigger
Rou - for showing me other perspective to paths to Rome
Yixin - for crystalising what truth is and sharing of realisations
Dave - for showing me patience, love and acceptance
Andrewson - for joining me to walk the path
Peiying - for trusting me and walking the path with me! ohh and the triggers! :D
NYJC dragonboat team - for showing me determination and strength
SMU Dragonboat team - for showing me another family and courage

Thank you for leaving a footprint in my life and teaching me those lessons which made me the way i am today. Been wanting to do this..so finally i'm doing it! yeah!

Thankful for all that has happened. I have accepted my past and I am enjoying the present.

All is well in my world.

Spread love and health around!

Cheers!

Everything in life has its own timing

2007-01-14T20:55:00.000+08:00

I knew is time for me to move on to other things in life. 5 year relationship with dragonboat teams, dragonboat is what i'm passionate about. The memories and friendships built would defintely last a lifetime. The trainings we had to go through, the competitions we fought together, all served to make us even stronger. To uncover the side which we have probably never seen in us. During this 1 year plus with team smu, i have grown with them. And i have decided to row my last race in march. There was initial sadness of letting go but realised that i could still play other role. All is well.

This two years of preparation work have allowed me to be courage to move into energy training and coaching training. It is a huge leap for me. A year of growth year which i have declared it to be. Excited to see what will be unfolded in front of my eyes. :) I'm a white sheet of paper..fill me up with the knowledge and experience!

Recently, I got closer to yixin and alex. Had realisation on why i didn't like them in the first place..hehe. Well, everyone is a mirror of you. Whether you like it or not, they reflect you. A part of you which you may accept or not accept yourself. Notice that why you always hang out with like-minded people, so similar to you? And repel people whom you dislike? There's more to it. :)
Consider those are just opportunitiess for you to work more on yourself and more opportunities for you to love yourself even more.

Live life LOVE!

Happy New Year!

2007-01-02T02:59:00.000+08:00

There goes my 2006.

Reflection on breakthoughs created:
1) 21st Bday celebration
2) First relationship
3) XM experience
4) Energy Experience camp
5) POS
6) SMU Dragonboat Competition
7) First breakup
8) Realisation on reality vs illusion/running vs facing/acceptance/love
9) Deepened relationship with family/sisters
10) SSU Most Outstanding New Club award - Dragonboat team
11) Medals from SMU dragonboat
12) In experience with living life, loving life, loving me
13) First marathon
14) First Beijing trip alone
15) Spreading of health awareness to people around me
16) Facing fears..working on them. :)
17) Eye-opener on china's trip/MNCs
18) Won book vouchers from Book Kinokuniya

All that have happened in 2006 was good. Lessons learnt. All is well in my world. :D

As for 2007, shall declare it an exploration year for career opportunities, where they are full of Growth, Love and Happiness. Relationships shall blossomed!:D

A note from Wei:
that you are afraid is just signaling another part of you is awakening, stirring...about to be revealed.

Holiday in BEIJING

2006-12-19T11:21:00.000+08:00

Life is good in Beijing. Exercise, eat, shop, read, drink coffee, meet new people, house cleaning, watch dvd and sleep..that's basically how i live each day by in beijing. Relaxing! I'm pretty much wrapped up with layers of clothing to beat the cold. Yes it feels like going for a COLD WAR!

This picture was taken at tian an men square. Braved through the wind with my sis!

In search for a pair of gloves that fit me perfectly..cos my hands are very small. So i end up using kids' size one. hehe.

My sister and her local friends brought us to a Sichuan Restaurant for dinner. Spicy food! First time eating catfish. I went to choose the fish with my local friend. Then he weighed the fish. We said ok. The next moment, he took a wooden stick and smashed the catfish's head! omggg..But i could still eat later! haha.

A pool of chilli, oil and fish!

Before:

After:

My lips got numbed from eating the fish. Pretty shoik!

The rest of the dishes..pig trotters! Nicey!

Here's my sis and i:

Get into the xmas mood...xmas tree! Cold cold night!grr grrr...

Alright, that's all folks! Till then...

Full marathon COMPLETED! 42.129km!

2006-12-04T22:12:00.000+08:00

Woohoo! Finally completed my maiden marthon clocking super long hours like 7 hrs 43mins. torturous journey but finally i made it:) Yeahhh!!! Around of applause for those who took up the challenge!

Life is a marathon, with every step..every breath. People plug in their music as they ran. It is as tho like how ppl wanna hear what they wanna hear during the journey of life. And see what they wanna see. Just being human. Some of the people fall out..fainting..fainted. A test to physical limit. When it is to the extent of damaging of one's body, is it worth it? I begin to wonder. Cos ultimately during the later part of our journey, is time for payment on what we have done to our bodies. People ran with injured knees..injured back, is it really worth it? I guess at the end of the day is just to satisfy our ego and pride.

As for me, it has been an eye-opener. Enjoyed the beauty of the journey but cant help with the bitching. Yeah..bitched with peiying. Why the hell we spent money to pay for such torture. hha. We were just not very prepared for it. The walk from padang to gym was terrible..killing you softly. Glad i had peiying to walk with. Then we super cannot take it..so we agreed to take a rest at the bench. haha. :p Once in a lifetime will do. :)

After the run, my family came to fetch me and we headed to Raffles hotel. It is dame spacious and cosy. My sis had a biz trip in singapore, hence she was given accomdation in singapore. Being suaku, i was wow-ing at the suite and had my soaking session for my tired body. :) It was fantastic.

All is well in my world.

Been a hectic week ahead before i fly off to beijing on next tuesday, so i have been tying up some stuff. Time is running out..gee! Make time make time.

The Run

2006-11-29T19:53:00.000+08:00

Exams are over. 42km marathon is next on the list to be conquered. Shall intent for me to run effortlessly from beginning till end of run. I will still walk as usual.

in view of the marathon, i finally went to do my run. Target for 1 hour run and completed 8km. Lesson from life again. A journey which you choose to take on..whether you'll reach your destination, it depends on every step you take and every breath you breathe to get you there. Sound so duhhhh isn't it? It made me appreciate and cherish the very present i'm in.

What came up during the run was people like aunty mary who is at her terminal stage of cancer and a new friend of mine who has hiv positive. Has been sharing with other people who has less severe disease about creating their living miracle. Aunty mary has been a source of inspiration on what it means to live. And keep fighting to live. Nice. She popped by my mind when i was running..to keep on running...runninggg.

Illnesses that struck one may be devastating, but consider that as a wake-up call from life? Imagine living a zombie life and going through the motion each day, this wake-up call is just asking you to start living. Yeah..what a way to call one to?! Blessing in disguise. Back to the run, by focusing on each step and breath one take, don't forget to look up..and appreciate the things around you. Look up..the sky is above you. Look around you for those people who have been standing by your ups and downs.

Life is FUN! So have FUN!!!:D

What a ride...

2006-11-29T00:29:00.000+08:00

I did a mental age test recently and doubled my actual age. Check this out: http://www.xlzx.com/xlcs/zy32.htm (in chinese btw!) at the rate i'm going..gonna hit 50 soon! Yeap life is full of growth..at least in my life i'm saying this!:p And i ask for it. Whether we like it or not, things happen for a reason. Accept and choose how one wanna deal with it.

About choice. it really takes a lot of commitment to stand by the choice you made. We face trials in life that serve the purpose to make you stronger. It is often so easy to give up and return to the original path. but when you do that, you will just never get the lesson that life is trying to teach you. I found this to be the same concept as what i learnt in the energy exercise where we learnt to hit your acupuncture points repeatedly and once it hurts, we may choose to give up. Does it occur to one that the hurting part is pointing to you that there is an issue here. "Hey look here!" Once you give it a miss, the problem goes back to its original place and get hidden once again. Alternatively, you can hit it until it no longer hurts and it isn't an issue to you anymore.

For me, it doesnt hurt anymore. :)

Things open up recently. New breakthrough to relationship. Totally get it..things happen for a reason. Reason..that one may not be able to comprehend in that moment. As the saying goes,
when the student is ready, the teacher appears.

I declare 2007 shall be a year for career exploration!

Something hit me last night while reading "Knight in Rusty Armor":

Only ambition that comes from the heart can also bring happiness.

Ambition from the heart is pure. It competes with no one and harms no one. In fact, it serves one in such a way that it serves others at the same time.

Stay open.

Team SMU wHOOSSHhh!!!

2006-11-14T23:38:00.000+08:00

Mr Sng and us..

Yesss..and i feel sooo lovedddd by the guysssss who have their hands all over my...HEAD!

This was taken right after we were out in the rain for 1.5hrs. I shivered like nobody's business and shocked quite a lot of people. i felt sooo cold for the first time in my life considering i was wearing a singlet and shorts! The water dripping on me..was alright..cos of the warmth in the water. BUT when the wind came..omg...

So honoured to be in the guys boat fighting with them. Inspired by how much they wanted the medal badly..simply awesome! After crossing the finishing line, i just raised my hand and hit onto the drum repeatedly. The taste of victory with them..has gone beyond words. It was expressed thru our tears, hugs, cheers..and our love! The girls were nice to bought us hot tea...*warmth! Everyone rejoiced! To celebrate SMU's first victory! Fantastic!

* The divine grandmother, mother and SKN!!!!!!!!

We just loveee to take pictures...and lots of them..with lots of pose!

Welcome to the next level of game! *ding ding ding..

The best is yet to come..Stay tuned!

FIRST Medal for Team SMU

2006-11-13T23:28:00.000+08:00

wooHooo! We finally made it together as a team. It was a touching moment
Beyond words..we expressed ourselves through our cheers..our tears..our hugs. This team soaked ourselves in each other's love. Beautiful. True enough..is a totally different feeling from my previous team. a totally different experience. Unique in their own way.

This team started from scratch and i salute my team mates who put in their heart and soul to learn dragonboat technique. Paid the price with their time, effort and commitment. Without each of us, there is simply no team to begin with..no family to grow with. In such occasion where we won, we have a team..we have a family to celebrate ..to rejoice together as one. Awesome!

Let this bronze medal be the first one where the winning habit of SMU begins right from this moment. In gratitude to be part of this wonderful team! We have great supporters from Mr Sng for coaching..Roy for his faith in us!

Love you all, team smu!

- The Beginning -

Madness Weeks Ahead

2006-11-09T01:44:00.000+08:00

Projects are due soon. Been spending my nights at SMU, working with project mates to get reports out. Check out the Information system building, people were like camping and working their assess off for the ISM projects. And you get zombies presenting the next day. Energy level was super low. If you cant educate people, then confuse them! :p Anyway, i'm never gonna go into IT line to work my nights off like that. Really crazy..i dont like. Haha. some kind of declaration huh! hehe.

In these madness week, nice things happened. Be patience and i shall go with the flow. Meanwhile, still got so much work to clear..graduating in 2008. 14.5modules to clear...wow. Jiayou! My reward shall be Beijing trip!!! yea..leaving in a month's time. Hang in there. This will all pass.

One more day to River Regatta! Gonna get ready to fight with my team to get what we want together! "U", Please work in our favour..LOA sets in!!! :) Weekends gonna be burnt for the race..is held at Singapore River near uob plaza. Do pop by for support. Would be thrilled to see you!hehe:p I intent for Energy & Strength & Buring Desire & Faith & Consciousness prior, during and post race.

Team SMU, ROAR...fight with your might..your soul..your heart.

Together, we shall achieve!

Ride on the waves

2006-10-30T13:00:00.000+08:00

All things will pass.
Dwell in it if you love this moment.
Else, relax and it will be gone with the wind.

Some stuff that i wanna do after my exams!

...........................................................................................

1) Run 42km full marathon effortlessly on Dec 3rd!
2) Travel around Beijing
3) Consolidate my book of intentions aka vision book!
4) To reach ideal weight of 48kg by early jan 2007!
5) Read up on books and research on what i like
6) To pass my theories test and driving tests --> driving license!!!
7) Take up acting/singing class - stage production/performance
8) Work at Oglivy Beijing next summer--> burn my bridges and get to where i want!
9) To swim
10) Run FYP smoothly and efficiently
11) LOA
12) Toastmaster
13) Life coaching
14) KTVs with friends
15) Successful handover of Dragonboat by 2007
16) Energy camp with mummy,bro and sis
17) Level 2 of Energy camp with mummy
18) Beijing with family in Mid 2007
19) Facial time!!!
...........................................................................................

Go do the stuff you like cos you have been putting on hold for far too long.

So JUST DO IT!

Be patience. For what you've asked...are on their way to you! :D

wOoHoOOOoo!!

2006-10-26T21:42:00.000+08:00

Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy........... I'm still alive and kicking!!!
just realised i haven't blog for quite long time.

Here it goes,
Dragonboat Team SMU won Outstanding New Club of the Year at Sports Awards Night 2006
After a year of establishment, we managed to get this recognition for our team. And is just the beginning of all the great things that are on their way.

Just wanna thank the team for standing by Zhui, Keith and I for this past year cos without each of you, there is no team to begin with. Without each of you, there is no family to grow with. You guys are simply fantastic! Love you all! :D

*machiam like star award! Zhui and Keith below. For once, I am taller than them!

Currently, we are training for our River Regatta competition. Real exciting! Trainings have been shiong but good to see everyone pushing beyond their limit. Some people wonder why are we torturing ourselves through such intensive trainings and competitions. You know what, you'll never know why, until you take it on. It is in the experience that say all that it is. This goes for any sport..any interest that you might have. At the end of the day, is your experience that counts cos you been through it yourself. During the experience, be amazed by what another side of you that has yet to be discovered all this while. Those qualities will stay with you for the rest of your life. :)

Something about self love where my mum inspires me. :)

Ever since her return from Energy camp, she has been exercising regularly (2X a day). Very high spirits! Just love watching how she takes care of herself..in showing love to herself. Recently she went on a shopping spree and got herself $160 worth of clothes! She was very happy and wore her new clothes for me to take pictures so that i can send to my sis!haha. super fun!

Love begins with self. And not seeking love from others to show your significance. This sounds very duhhh huh. Is the in experience of it that counts. :)

Sometimes when we hang out in this world and move with its pace, we tend to lose ourselves in the pursuit of stuff that we want. And guess what, you might just neglect yourself during that period of time. Or neglect the people who are important to you.

Cherish!

A day of CELEBRATION with Family

2006-10-15T12:00:00.000+08:00

A birthday gathering for mum with family at Geylang's No Signboard restaurant. Chilli crab was fantastic..my very first time eating such a HUGE crab, took me ages to finish it! Niceyy!!!

After a satisfying dinner! Yummy!My mummy on the left with her elder sister!Can't really tell their age apart with their youthful looks. :)

Finally my mummy and me!!!

You can heal your life

2006-10-13T21:49:00.000+08:00

Mei shared with me something with me today which i'm thankful for.

From the book on "You can heal your life":

I love myself; therefore i BEHAVE AND THINK IN A LOVING WAY to ALL PEOPLE for i know that which i GIVE OUT returns to me multiplied. I only attract loving people in my world, for they are a MIRROR OF WHAT I AM.

I love myself; therefore I FORGIVE AND TOTALLY RELEASE THE PAST AND ALL PAST EXPERIENCES, and i am FREE.

I love myself; therefore i live totally in the NOW, experience each moment as good and knowing that my future is bright and joyous and secure, for i am a BELOVED child of the Universe, and the UNIVERSE lovingly takes care of me now and forever more. All is well in my world.

Who is the last person you neglect when you are too caught up in your own world?

I.

Just wanna thank some people for what they have done for me during this part of the journey.
Mei, Jiahui, rourou, peiying, kaifeng. Thanks mei for kicking my ass :)

And my family :) Mummy's bday in an hour plus time..a little gift from me!

Lovely evening!

2006-10-05T23:25:00.000+08:00

LOA maiden gathering:

An evening with the founding club of LOA right here in Singapore. hehe. With mei as our mentor! just soo happened that jiahui, mei and i wore different shades of green! A conversation that opened up pretty much stuff..nice!

@ TCC enjoying our deserts. How apt! :p

In better appreciation of the presence of fats in my body. Love you!

Scrapping off the cover behind each mirrors.

Nice!

Declarations to "U"

2006-10-04T23:40:00.000+08:00

This entry might not make any sense to you, it doesnt matter.

LOA in the work! It is specially created for "U"!

Is time to declare!

- Easy way to reach ideal weight of 48kg
- Graduate with 3.5 GPA in 2008
- SMU Dragonboat girls team to grow to 25 where everyone is closely bonded by 2007
- Gold medal for team SMU by 2007
- $300 shopping vouchers every 3 months
- $200 book vouchers every 3 months
- SG$1 000 000 (inspired by jiahui and mei!)
- Love thyself
- Love
- Let go of my past, me
- Take responsibility for every single thing that happens/happened in my life
- Alacrity
- Joy
- Good health
- Train the team to train themselves by 2007
- Live life to the fullest
- Master the art of listening
- Clarity
- Consciousness
- Summer vacation job confirmation in 2007 at Beijing
- Driving license by 2008
- Attract loving people into my life for they are a mirror of me
- Attract people (girls) who wanna take up dragonboat naturally

Still churning..

The journey continues with a brand new beginning..new perspective. Enjoy the ride!

All coming back.

2006-09-29T10:47:00.000+08:00

Amazingly, i've gotten one load of my chest finally after closing the chapter on my relationship officially. Been a tormenting one week of hell ride. And guess what the hell ride continues..cos is time for me to get some stuff fix about myself. Life is indeed a rollercoaster, isn't it? That's how one grows. Matter of choice too..whether you see all these as a opportunity or a threat to your comfort zone. Take comfort that i have my family and friends to back me up during this period of time, to continue running. Remember the movie "Click"? Life is a on going movie where you are the director, actor, script writer, 'calefares', floor manager, light manager, cameraman..
despite the many roles you play, there will be guest appearances. Be it short term(acquintances) or long term (family..buddies..friends), they are part of the movie. Not forgetting we have the ability to choose different modes like play/pause/fast forward/rewind/stop.

I chose [play]. What would your choice be then?

Dealing all these with a different style and me. it feels much lighter and more free.

Like the story from "Letters to Sam"- "You and your tiger". We all have our demons within us, but take comfort that they are part of us. Welcome them cos they are merely seeking for their voice to be heard. Will be ok when you continue pushing beyond. Keep going.

Waiting for you at the exit of the castle of silence, my friend.

I'll be there. :)

Team gatheringgggggg!!!

2006-09-24T21:46:00.000+08:00

Chill .....and poseeeeee.....we are beautiful flowerssss! hahaa

got saboed to do forfeit with mr audy woo..the birthday boy. supposed to sing ai de zheng hao with him..apparently both of us cant remember the lyrics!haha. Still not enough!!...sabo number 2..i was chilling in one cosy corner of mine, drinking my beer..acting cool, while watching how the rest sabo audy. then suddenly...got arrow shoot at my direction.

"Go kiss Peiling for the next clueeeee!!!" He think also never think then rush over liao..cos his gf was waiting for him at his house, with dinner prepared for him liao. No time to react...i was being sacrificed!!! haha! arghhh....look at my facial expression. totally Soaked in his 'LOVE'! ahahaa! Esther was another funny one..who enthusiatically asked for a kiss from audy to get his clue. dame funny la and not forgetting her..'slutty' look!:p opss..hehe.

Chapter closed. New chapter begins.

2006-09-24T12:12:00.000+08:00

i was in a world of my own, putting myself through misery. Just to reaffirm that really sucks. things haven been going real well, but are picking up. there are bumps along any journey..just happened that i hit one now.

Been pondering what are "U" trying to teach me throught this lesson. Lesson was brought through peiying/peifen/debbie/bro/mei on what i needa get clear about. Realized how blinded i was even tho i thought i was conscious in this one. funny. anyway once again, my blindspot has showed up. Must learn it well this time. Cant go on commiting the same mistake over and over again. Get real! Face the truth! Truth is always the hardest to face..even if you can, how much are you willing to face the truth? And experience the emotions that come to you. At least i finally done what i needa to. I learnt this time round. :)

Letting go is not as difficult as what i thought. just not worth it to put myself through the self-depicted misery really. thanks to my pei-cers and deb for their time in assisting me thru the process. Thank you for hitting me hard on this..not easy for you all too. but well, we did it! :)Things became clearer..realised what it means by love is blind. You simply just wanna see what you wanna see but fail to see what it is really. Truth as it is.

In such times, strangely..my friends whom i haven contact for quite sometime came flooding back into my life again. They seemed to sense it huh! thanks for letting me know you care. haha. new friendships..deepening of existing friendships..deepening of kinship too. well there's lost..there's gain. come to think of it, the gain is much more worth it. hehe. Certainly another breakthrough for myself. Matter of perspective.

Thank "U" for unfolding this part of journey to me. Things do happen for a reason. As usual isn't it?

My dream home

2006-09-18T10:02:00.000+08:00

Here's one on my list:

Thought it would be interesting cos i have never thought what kind of home i would like to have. What attracted me to this home is the wooden floor..very much reminded me of my old house. gives me a very cosy kind of feeling. I even set my wallpaper to this image..intent for it to happen in reality..in future. Then i realised something, i found my favourite flower lying on the table. hmm..what a coincidence! Or mayb is meant for me to find this image huh. whichever you want to see it. yeap..let this home be filled with happiness, good health, kinship, growth, joy and laughter!

Bitching day and follow-up session with therapist

2006-09-11T17:52:00.000+08:00

Spent my Sunday bitching to Jiahui plus doing stuff. It was fun...and sending our personal request to "U"! YES i'm talking about "U" where all request will be granted just a matter of time. Gotta open eyes big big and witness that. "U" have responded to my request..waiting for the follow up..shall intent for it to happen. And wish jiahui got hers too!:) Probably we should form BHC where we have a avenue to bitch!haha. That will be fun! Perhaps is a blessing in disguise..such as opportunity came up for me to build my relationship with jiahui.
Yeap just had my dragonboat rowing session last saturday..was great! Finally we have our coach! kinda renewing my relationship with mr sng..learning from him all over again! There he was..standing on land..with his loud haler on one hand and calling us in to correct our strokes. What a familiar sight..this time round he wore a pair of shades..dame sut ki la. *whistle! haha. The other time i met him at the Dragonboat festival where my girls' team finally got into the finals, he was there witnessing it. And he praised me for doing what i did. But then again...i'm just coaching them from what i have learnt through him. pretty much of a paying forward thgy. Now is like my team is able to learn from the "SOURCE"..ah zhui and i shall play the role of TA then. A very much powerful pair of eyes to watch from land to check on us..Absorb what he has to offer; his knowledge, his experience..Trust him! He will get us there..Just do it! :)

I'm seriously very tanned now..miss orh lu lu is back, now that her hair is longerrr..and is really testing her patience. To stay or to leave?! It was so crowded in the toilet, so a few of us..we just 'bathed' in the open..washing our hair and face. Super unglam..but well..nobody really care, as far as i'm concern. then peifen and i headed to the clubhouse for a bath and went to get my fav taohu goreng to humour my stomach. super hungry..then peiying,peifen and me..yeah we are called the "pei-cers"..we ate and walked along nicoll highway to beach road. super long man. Fun fun rowing once again..:) It felt training back in jc days...still level 1 for now. Can't wait for the next training!!!:)

gonna be madness weeks aheaddd..."U", please grant me strength and energy to press on and on and on...While we lead our hectic lives, let's not forget about people whom you care. What's there to celebrate when you get what you want but has no one to share with? i guess is just human nature of learning thru the painful way. Well, hit the wall if you need to in order to learn i would say. Some have to hit the wall to know that there's a wall in front of them..i remember shawn used to ask me, what if is an invisible wall? I guess invisible as it seems to be, prob you choose not to see it..or the goal was too attractive ahead that drive you to push through. nothing wrong with that..just a way of learning from life. If you still have the choice to decide, then choose powerfully. Else, it'll be taken away from you. Either way..you get the result you are supposed to get.

I'll give that a miss and foreverrr...Well once you get the lesson from the experience, you dont have to get it again. Unless you never learn, then probably it just keep happening. Ahh..now i know why.

Cheers!

Without you..life goes on.

2006-09-10T17:04:00.000+08:00

Here's one of my fav song from Rent the musical.

Without You by RENT

ROGER
Where were you?
MIMI
I'm sorry I'm late...
ROGER
I know, You lost your keys. No, you went for a walk; you had to help your mother. And how's Benny? I'm gonna upstairs tonight.

MIMI
That's Not... I Should Tell You I Should... Never mind...
ROGER
Happy Spring (Roger leaves.)
MIMI
Without You
The Ground Thaws
The Rain Falls
The Grass Grows
Without You
The Seeds Root
The Flowers Bloom
The Children Play
The Stars Gleam
The poets dream
The Eagles Fly
Without You
The Earth Turns
The Sun Burns
But I Die
Without You
Without You
The Breeze Warms
The Girls Smiles
The Cloud Moves
Without You
The Tides Change
The Boys Run
The Oceans Crash
The Crowd Roars
The Days Soar
The Babies Cry
Without You
The Moon Glows
The River Flows
But I Die Without You
ROGER
The World Revives
MIMI
Colors Renew BOTH But I Know Only Blue Lonely Blue Within Me, Blue Without You
MIMI
Without You The Hand Gropes The Ear Hears The Pulse Beats
ROGER
Without You The Eyes Gaze The Legs Walk The Lungs Breathe BOTH The Mind Churns The Heart Yearns The Tears Dry
Without You Life Goes On
But I'm Gone Cause I Die
ROGER
Without You
MIMI
Without You
ROGER
Without You BOTH Without You
.....................................................................................................

Leave it.

Updates in the month of August

2006-09-08T18:37:00.000+08:00

Hey school has just began and i'm like a busy bummer bee bumming around.

Quick updates about:
1) My mum and I at Energy Experience Camp.

It was a bonding session with me n mum, doing stuff together. Been a long time since we have such opportunity to build our relationship. It was a major step for her to step out of her own comfort zone into an evironment which she was totally unfamiliar with. I applaud her for the courage she has to make that first step and the subsequent ones. it has been a stressful period for her whenever we have sharing session, she would turn and rehearse with me before her answer was logged in to the group. it was a baby step for her every attempt in building her confidence and coming to terms with her issues. And she is working hard on it everyday. Very disciplined!!! The exercise sessions and outing which we had after the camp were even more fantastic..i saw her shinning as she expressed how she felt and thanking the instructor. Gratitude. She was on her own..no longer need to rehearse with me. She spoke with confidence..and in mandarin..2nd time i heard her spoke so much!haha. Nice!

Wish my siblings were there to witness that transition too. But i'm sure they got me too! :) So proud of my mummy! And i'll continue to walk that path with her. And pull my loved ones along too:)

2) Watershock Dragonboat
We had about 200 participants from our various categories: Inter-CCA/Inter-JC/Inter-School. Led the Team that was fantastic in helping each other out, making possible for that event to take place, taking the initiatives to run the show with me. Gonna be recorded in my database. Definitely a bunch of folks i wish to befriend with for life. :)

Thank you for running the show with me. :)

3) Dragonboat training + activities
Freshies finally came for our land training, gonna meet the whole group tomorrow for our long awaited rowing session! woohoooo!!! When you are 'deprived' of it for a long time, you learn to appreciate it even more when you are in the experience of it now. And Mr Sng is coaching us..gonna be a different experience again. I've grown out of my jc days..a different team..a different culture, probably he's still the constant? hehe. Shall see! haha.

September is a sportstember where we gonna have smu runabout, sports fiesta. Take it as part of training stamina..join for fun and team bonding session! Plus there's so much work to do in school..needa release that stress in us man! Let's JOIN!!!! What are we waiting for?!?!!

4) Lost + Gift
Lost 2 cashcards which i just bought. Won $50 Kinokuniya cos i competed a survey which i done last few months. Pleasant surprise. Well kinda intended for it..and i really got it. haha. Just thought..How nice would that be if i could won the vouchers aha?! "U" heard me! hehe. Anyway i spent it on two books which mei shared with me 1) Life's missing instruction manual. 2) Letters to Sam. Seems like i've been getting book vouchers for my reading..which i really enjoy! yeppy! Thanks to "U"!

5) Toastmaster speechcraft session
Woww i went for my first ever toastmaster session where i delivered my firstttttt table topic speech! It was dame exciting and enriching! Well, Eric brought me there and it was held in my school. so why not huh?! Yea he also did one table topic..my jaws dropped big big time. Like very exaggerating. WOWW! Plus he was presenting on Ice-breaker segment. Fantastic!

Well his delivery inspire me seriously to consider taking up toastmaster after i step down from dragonboat team. probably try a different path and see what's on the other side. It should be scaryyyyy...haha. Exciting too. never try never know.

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Alrighty....till then!

Superrrrbbbb day!!!

2006-08-12T20:29:00.000+08:00

It has been a very fruitful day indeed. We had Energy Experience Camp preview today and i got my family and friends down to check it out. It was an excellent opportunity for family bonding and friendship bonding session man. Mum found her cause of her hearing problem all these years. For some who might not know, i went for this energy camp where we get to experience and aid our body in self-healing process. Amazing on what our body can do for us! During the camp, we experienced the five major adjustments on Body, Mind, Resting, Breathing and Nutrition and see how this can improve your health and well-being. These are fundamentals of living where babies learnt how to walk, rest, eat, breathe...but over the years as we grew up, we pretty much screw up the body system we have in us and *tadah* you get the health problems you have now or in the future when we didn't take care of our body properly. Spread health awareness to people around us! If you know of anyone who is suffering from diseases..any health problem, consider this as a possibility for you to fix the problem. Feel free to give me a buzz and i'll share with you more!

What i realised from the difference between chinese medication and western medication is long term versus short term result respectively. Notice if you happen to have cancer for instance, you just cut away where it is affected! And about chemo..it kills the good cells and bad cells at the same time. Very microscopic way of dealing it. And guess what..it might still come back if you continue to live the way you been living. Very much of a lifestyle issue isn't it? But chinese medication might take longer to see the effect but it solved the root of health issue. Well, just my perspective that's all.

Here's the graduating class of Energy Experience Camp!

Oh yeah..I had duathlon competition today where the pair has to run 4km and row 4km. The run was pretty challenging for me...had some inner struggle on that. Eric asked me if i'm ready for the competition..i showed my weak sidee.e...hahaa. Fear was there actually. Similarly, peifen also has a similar conversation when her boyfriend asked her! haha. I had quite a good start and just focused on my breathing and body posture. i was thinking to myself.."Peifen is waiting for me at the launching point!..push push harderrr..!" We rowed non-stop and could coordinate pretty well (prob thanks to our foundation back in jc/poly days). We overtook some girls who ran faster than me..and some boys too. Some were just blocking our path..a bit irritated by it. But come to think of it, isn't that how life usually is where you have obstacles ahead of you..preventing you from progressing?! haha. yeah..so we merely just overtook them, just gotta learn how to work around with them and play smart ya! Peifen was great in commanding our boat's direction such that we won't waste so much energy in unnecessary route. The journey ain't that bad afterall when you have a partner to go with man. With support and encouragement from each other, we pulled this through and finished strongly! :) Peifen went to run after our rowing..and waited patiently for her return!!! When i saw her, we have chance for prize man..and finally we ran finished together and hugged together (sound so drama right!haha) It was fantastic! We got third in the end! The medal and vouncher were pretty much of a bonus. Process was the main core man. Expectations come with disappointments. So i didnt have much expectation to begin with and i very much enjoyed myself at the event. Andddd...made a couple of friends there. Nice.

When i received the medal, it was more of.."Orhh." Oh yeahh..detachment mode! I should make it clearer huh..is called acceptance! Acceptance doesn't mean i like or agree with what it is.

Yeppy my mummy is going for the Energy Camp on 26th August. gonna be there with herrrr!!! gotta say byeee to AHM then! So excited for my mummy..is gonna be her first camp.hehe.

-happy girl!

The aftermath

2006-08-03T16:24:00.000+08:00

Been a really exciting two weeks where I found new breakthroughs for myself. Frankly speaking, I’m right now in a very detached mode. You might have no clue in what I gonna say, it doesn’t matter. If I say, I’ll regret. If I don’t say, I’ll also regret. If I made the choice not to say or say, I will still regret. Paradox! Since no matter what I do, I will still regret, so I might as well still do it. Haha.

In the experience of letting go, now I finally get what Buddha is saying about life being impermanence. How true. I realized the stuff I’ve been saying in the past, I don’t know what it truly means until I completed with POS. What’s acceptance? What’s letting go? What’s kan4 po4 hong2 chen2? What’s tian1 zhang2 di4 jiu2? In nothingess you gain everything!

Been floating around, noticing how people go through routine way of life..going through motion of life. The detachment which I’m feeling is an acceptance in what I saw around me. No resistance..just accept. No condition, just accept. People want to hear what they wanna hear, see what they wanna see and live in a so-called reality? Is that really so or simply a denial of the existence what they dislike? Consider illusion rather than reality. I realized I’ve been living in that illusion for quite sometime until truth struck me. Think about it, when people as for opinion, what do they wanna hear? “Am I good?” How much can one bear the truth? Truth destroys your ego man. Totally. But still is part of the package of being human. Its existence still serve us good if we know how to use properly rather than let it act as obstacle and break us down in achieving our goal.

Eric was sharing the pac man story with mei and i. X was telling pac man if he would like to take a look at a 3D world, but pac man was shocked and said “No..how can you say that?!” Apparently in the pac man’s world of 2D (he only moves left/right/up/down), is a taboo to say 3D in his world. When pac man was pulled out of his 2D world to see the 3D world..he went “Wowwww..!” Well, I guess is the unfamiliarity and unknown of something which cause us to be fearful but that doesn’t mean the non-existence of it. People are so programmed into how we should live our daily lives and busy chasing and chasing over what they deem as important to them. Endless pit for one to be in. There’s nothing wrong with that really. Notice we get into the tempo of the world and neglect our own tempo. Totally mess up man. Well, it is just another way of living that’s all. Ultimately depends on what game you wanna take on eventually for your very own game of life.

A grain of sand living in a world of sand. What is so different from one sand and another, aren’t they part of the whole creation? A thing exist only when the smaller parts come together as one.

Share with you a poem by William Blake:

To see a World in a Grain of Sand

And a Heaven in a Wild Flower,

Hold Infinity in the palm of your hand

And Eternity in an hour.

And a song…

Let's dance in style, let's dance for a while

Heaven can wait, we're only watching the skies

Hoping for the best but expecting the worst

Are you going to drop the bomb or not?

Let us die young or let us live forever

We don't have the power but we never say never

Sitting in a sandpit, life is a short trip

The music's for the sad men

Can you imagine when this race is won?

Turn our golden faces into the sun

Praising our leaders, we're getting in tune

The music's played by the madmen

Forever young, I want to be forever young

Do you really want to live foreverForever --

and everForever young, I want to be forever young

Do you really want to live forever

Forever young

Some are like water, some are like the heat

Some are a melody and some are the beat

Sooner or later, they all will be gone

Why don't they stay young?

It's so hard to get old without a cause

I don't want to perish like a fading horse

Youth's like diamonds in the sun

And diamonds are forever

So many adventures couldn't happen today

So many songs we forgot to play

So many dreams swinging out of the blue

We'll let them come true

Poem and song are just merely words..being in the experience of it is just gonna create a new whole perspective for yourself. Not about understanding but getting it or not.

As for me, time to recreate the game on coming monday..need time to be alone!

White Dog vs Black Dog

2006-07-15T00:38:00.000+08:00

The story of the Native American elder who once described his own inner struggles to a friend as follows:

"Inside of me there are two dogs. The black dog is mean. The white dog is good. The black dog fights the white dog all day."

When asked by the friend which dog wins, the elder reflected for a moment and replied;

"The one i feed the most."

- get insights from here.

Mei shared with me this story which i shared with peiying and peifen on how it is linked to our running session. We all have our inner struggles and whether you realise it or not, there's a conversation running in our head all the time. True enough, we too have these two dogs fighting all the time.

While we run,
the black dog says "When will we ever run finish? Are we there yet? I wanna stop! Oh no, i'm having stitches..walking will be better."

The white dog argues back, "Come on, focus on your breathing. Listen to how you breathe, how you move your body, how you swing your hands, how you move your legs, how you lift yourself up..enjoy the run!"

Who wins in the end? You decide who you wanna listen to!

Ultimately, these are your dogs..no white or black, just how you percieve them to be that makes a difference.

For my case,
I almost killed myself during my first 8km run after i resumed my training on June 10th entry. And it got slightly better on June 22nd entry. This thursday, i felt i improved a lot from my tuesday training, i was still very much alive after keeping my pace with peifen and weiling (best femae runners of my team). Sometime black dog fought for its attention, so i slowed down slightly, but my white dog kept me going and getting back to my much faster pace. It was fantastic. Really depends on what we choose on what we wanna focus our energy into? If we channel energy into our tiredness, does it help us to move nearer to our destination? fortunately, it still does but guess what, it gonna "kill" you softly before you get there. If you channel your energy into what you need/want to do, it will become effortless! It will 'kill' you short and sweet..much effective way of improving stamina. Practice makes permanance!:p

Before you even attempt to start running, why are you running in the first place? Is that purpose of yours strong enough to let you sustain yourself such that you will not stop no matter what?

This is very much link to our rowing. What's the similarity between both running and rowing? just some points that peiying and i discussed.

1) Require Stamina
2) Similar Movements
3) Determination

We do know how it feels when we lack stamina to carry out our last burst for our race, isn't it? Glad some of us are making the effort to come down for our weekly run. Peer pressure works! Cos i wanna keep up..protect ego..whatever..reason you can come up with, just for you to run the best you can so that you can improve at a tremendous rate. A baby step is still a step..so be patient and may we reach the next level of stamina game soon! then we can be gamed for moreeee....Watch this space!

I've Got You!

2006-07-11T00:25:00.000+08:00

The world would be a lonely place
Without the one that puts a smile on your face
So hold me 'til the sun burns out
I won't be lonely when I'm down
'Cause I've got you to make me feel stronger
When the days are rough and an hour seems much longer
I never doubted you at all
The stars collide, will you stand by and watch them fall? (by and watch them fall)
So hold me 'til the sky is clear
And whisper words of love right into my ear
'Cause I've got you to make me feel stronger
When the days are rough and an hour seems much longer
Yeah when I got you
Oh to make me feel better
When the nights are long they'll be easier together
Looking in your eyes
Hoping they won't cry
And even if you doI'll be in bed so close to you
Hold you through the night
And you'll be unaware
But if you need me I'll be there
Yeah I got you
Oh to make me feel stronger
When the days are rough and an hour seems much longer
Yeah when I got you to make me feel better
When the nights are long they'll be easier together

-Mcfly

Heard this band sing when i watched "Just my luck"..very nice! :)
Here's me and eric....*tadah. After such long waiting, we finally met.

Photos from Dragonboat Festival 2006!!!

2006-07-07T23:21:00.000+08:00

Heyyy people,
Here are the lovely pictures taken with my team! Enjoy!

p.s: I had people covering me on previous pics,
so i was fighting for space to have my head plant
on the picture..but end up so unglam lo! TMD!

Dry rowing before mixed race!

Audy's lorry and stranger's car and singapore's
playground. Re-live childhood!!!

Welcome to our houseee!!!

The divine onessss -mother,SKN,grandmother
..plus EXTRAS!!!

志者胜利南初!
From left: Suanshing, Wenjie, Ronald Jack, Weiliang,
Me, Zhui

Dame funny pics..千手观音!!! Red butt
pad behind is supposed to be the LIGHT!!!haha

Wilson has strange habit..i need to accept!

On our way to Bedok for FEAST!!!YUmmy!!!

Gearing up for Regatta...meanwhile stay tuned for events coming up before our next BIG day!

1) July 14th Durian Expedition
2) Aug 5th Duathlon (canoe+jog)
3) Aug 5th Reunion Dinner
4) Aug 27th AHM (21km)
5) Sept 2nd Watershock
6) Nov 11th/12th Regatta
7) Dec 3rd Standchart Run (42km)

Strongerrr...we'll be BACK!!!

The 5 love languages...

2006-07-07T16:18:00.000+08:00

My primary love language is probably
Quality Time
with a secondary love language being
Words of Affirmation.

Complete set of results

Quality Time:		9
Words of Affirmation:		8
Physical Touch:		6
Receiving Gifts:		5
Acts of Service:		2

Quality time matter alot..After 4mths plus of long distance relationship and 2 weeks of ldr again. And guess what, i guess that's how the game will be played. hehe. We finally met...post our pic real soon! But i wanna post my dragonboat pics up first so...wait patiently!

Information

Unhappiness in relationships, according to Dr. Gary Chapman, is often due to the fact that we speak different love languages. Sometimes we don't understand our partner's requirements, or even our own. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled in order for us to express love to others, but there are different means by which our tank can be filled, and there are different ways that we can express love to others.

Take the quiz

A HELL OUT OF RIDE!!!

2006-07-02T23:56:00.000+08:00

woohooooo!!! A super exciting and challenging weekend for my team! My team has seen what we are capable of showing who we are to other teams- limits of self was broken, created breakthough..insights and most importantly, Growth!

Recap of the journey we began:

River Regatta'05 - Last for every race, caterpillar row
MR500'06 - Last for every race, good fighting spirit and coordination

Dragonboat Festival'06

The guys and the girls put up a good fight, stun the hell out of people man! yeppy! Guys gotten last for their races but but one thing commendable was during the 1000m race, they actually stunned the spectators by leading amongst the other univerisities - NUS/NTU/SIM during the first half of the race. *applause!

The girls also did a fantastic job which i'm very proud of how much they pushed themselves and supported each other throughout the whole race. Now they finally see what possibility looks like!!! Now they are HUNGRY and THIRTSY for more! yeppy! When we rowed finished our heats, my back pack of girls broke down. I got them. :) I was thrilled to hear when keith told us, "Girls, welcome to FINALS!" We have reached our first goal that we aimed during our first conversation with the girls! We cheered and hugged each other. Just felt super super glad that we finally made it through together with the SMU team! Even tho, we gotten last for the finals, i felt it was really a good beginning for all to have a taste of what it felt to compete with the stronger stronger teams! And what it felt to fight through what you have and squeeze it dry to what you think is left and you'll be amazed to see how much more you can be squeezed! You've seen it, done it..NOW create it again and find your limit on how far you can go! And we gonna do it as a team, not leaving one behind. You hear me loud and clear! :) And the 1000m race was a maiden race for all ladies from various instituitions. we have combined with team SIM and we all have fought through well. even tho there might be some mistakes here and there, we can always learn from them and not commit them again. i was feeling super tired after the races..experiencing fatique already..muscles were super tensed. Not even sure if i could go on and fight through it. then a phone call came right in time! eric called. hehe. energy boost!!! yeap! in the end, we pulled through the last race of the entire event, coming in third. cos there's only three teams mah. hehe. it was nevertheless a fantastic experience. my physical limit broke several times man. The entire experience was certainly a superb one with the people in it. :) The photos that we took..the long runs we had..the circuit training we had to go thru...our training camp..our gatherings...these memories which we all share gonna stay with us for a long long time. (will post pics soon!)

Had girls sharing on how we felt about the girls' team:

It is indeed challenging yet exciting to be in Team SMU. It is challenging because we have people of diverse sporting grounds without dragon boating experience coming together to experience and build up this sport in SMU. Also, being the pioneer batch of the team, we would need to depend on ourselves as we have no one to look up to. Yet it is still very exciting because we have the privilege and power to create a team culture and benchmark for future batches to follow or improve upon. A challenging and exciting journey for all like-minded people where team grows into a family. - Captain Joan

Indeed, this is the another family created in team SMU. :)

Not forgetting the family back in nyjc for their support- weiliang, wenjie, suanshing, jack, ronald, shaina, yulin, huixian + sam. So good to see all of you all again. To the guys: Thank you for showing my team what it is to fight and fought through with them! i really hope and wish that i can bring team smu to where we all once went. To experience a similar kind of feeling with SMU.

Team SMU:
Welcome to the next level of game!

To Zhui, Keith and myself:
HUGZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Words are simply indescribable :)

Excitedddd...

2006-06-30T22:57:00.000+08:00

12 more hours to my first race. A long and exciting day lying ahead..in fact over the weekends!

Just feel excited and a bit of anxious about what will come out of it later. You'll never know what sort of miracle would come out of it. Done what i wanted to do with the girls..said what i needed to say. Me being a trigger to them..so much so that i wish i have that power to trigger them to SHINE the light they already have in them. And we will draw strength from the light to do the best we could ever ever give. No hold back..No conserve. Just do it! Fight till i use up every bit of energy in me...fight till i know i already done by best...fight till i pant the hell out of me. Just keep on fighting with conscious effort.

Let's DO IT! No regrets! SAK!

SAK-KI 2006

2006-06-26T01:05:00.000+08:00

Woohooo..finally back from my first ever training camp with my team smu. It was a superb experience, just spending time with each other and sharing our life stories with one another. These stories impacted us in one way or another such that it made us the way we are now. By sharing a part of us makes each of us realise why we became the way we are now. All of us are fighters in our own lives..fighting for what we want in life, discovering about ourselves along the way. These people who came for the camp, most likely gonna stay in team for quite sometime until they choose to leave. Gotten to know a few more souls in the team. Really makes me stay to grow with the team is my passion for dragonboat and also the people who makes up the team. It is their presence in the team that makes a difference to my experience in SMU! 2 more years down the road, when i leave smu..and i look back, i know i have memories whom i shared with these wonderful souls, as part of my journey in my uni life. Nice!
Pretty fun..with new nicknames for some ppl (left onwards)- Peifen known as the "divine grandmother" (ultimate naggy queen i thought i'm worse but there's always a mountain higher than another!haha) , Roshni the "sushi" (super funny when she wrapped herself up in her sleeping bag. when she did that and called out "SUSHI", the guys just dragged and pulled her out of the classroom..and she was "thrown" outside. Dame hilarious! me known as "divine mother" (i'm being challenged...yes vertically challenge la! clearly seen through the game of twister!SKNSssss), scratchy cheryl (you really dont wanna know where she is scratching..hehe. image destroyed! and also our smelly club president!), "attitude" peiying (well, you really wanna talk to her ah...errr see her mood lo!haha. anyway great chatting with you lateeeee at night while the other pigs were sleeping soundly!) More pictures to come..Miss attitude, please upload your pics soon k! Thanks! hehe.

We watched several inspirational movies together- jap rescue divers(cute japanese guys *whee wheeee*) and coach carter. Of cos, i'm moved to tears while watching coach carter again, especially when the poem is being read out- Deepest fear. Very impressed with their fighting spirit and discipline. Gave us ideas to probably have team suicides for punishment huh! *evil grinz! hehe. Well, what is applicable for us is that we gonna play our own game, set our own tempo and apply what we've been training for during the race itself. True enough, when we're in the competition..the bravest will win. Excited about our big day!!!

Just RUN!!!!

2006-06-22T23:52:00.000+08:00

Remember my torturous 8 clique run a few weeks back when i resumed training with a handful of people, guess what, i did 15 clique run today! It is a huge improvement from before cos i can managed it better this time round. Of cos, there's some kao bei-ying to do..an old habit of mine with my previous team. We complained like nobody's business, but we still do it!haha. Yeah all thanks to Wilson, BK, Peifen and Crystal (part-time runner with us) with all their encouragement and support throughout the long run. Very good. They never give up on me! Just pushed me mentally to go on and on. As usual, they would motivate me with Eric's return to singapore. It is as if my last preparation before he gets to see me. haha. Anyway, he's a good source of morale booster..so i'll just draw strength from there AND from my lovely team mates la! hehe. At certain point of time, i'll just get into my "i'm weak' kinda of thinking..ya cos i just resumed training again. Lousy excuse for me but i still used that occassionally.

At the rate we are going, we can be jolly well prepared for the AHM-army half marathon come August/September. Quite a handful of team mates are joining us. it is gonna be another team bonding session for us i would say and at the same time we get to train up our stamina for our future race. How great that is man. And the thing good about training together as a team, you really get to push to your limit and go beyond it if you allow yourself to. Peer pressure works! For some, it might be ego kinda of thing and not wanting to look bad so they will die die keep up. For some they might just don't care and believe in a mentality that has already been with them for a long time and it managed to convince them that they really can't run. And guess what, they are so right! What do we do with this type of people? Hmm..i'll give an encouragement treatment followed by psychological treatment..followed by harsh treatment..followed by "can't be bothered" treatment. And most likely i would be tempted to invite him/her out of my team. Well, you can't be much of a support when one has already given up on himself/herself.

Like the analogy i always have with me,
"You can always bring a horse to the water, but never force the horse to drink water."
One has to see what value he/she gain out of what one saw and consider actions to be taken and finally...take ACTION!

The other night, my friend IM me saying i looked really fierce and aggressive while training in the gym. And i could easily eat one up. *hmm yummy!haha. Oh yeah..is really no advisable to come mess around with me especially when i'm training. And i got easily triggered by smiles when i applied "firm approach" kinda of treatment on people. From the previous entry on my harsh treatment on my girls' team, i managed to clear one up yesterday night. It was great. Now we knew our patterns so we gonna be more understanding when that ever happens again. :) More is to come....

Gonna be our first ever dragonboat training camp especially for our pioneer batch! Really excited about it! hehe. If my team mate happens to read it, i just wanna tell you this...

"I'm still not willing to give up on you! Whatever the outcome,we gonna begin and finish strong and live with no regrets! It is you who is part of this journey which makes this whole process much more interesting and fun. Without you, i'll be all alone fighting. And that does not work in a dragonboat team. We work as a team! One for all and all for one. Cliche as it might sound. But hey is true for us man cos we are just as strong as the weakest rower. All i'm asking is to see that burning desire and strong will power that bring each of us through each race. We go even stronger because you have inspired me to push myself go beyond my own limit. Is not about me..and is never about you. How's that? Cos is all about the team which is made up of each of us. row your own weight and if you can carry your team mates's weight too. We gonna let ourselves shine cos the light is already in us and let's jolly well put it into good use. Be inspired!"

Exciting stuff is happening! This weekend will be spending time with my SMU dragonboat team. Next weekend is our big day! Then my bf will be back for like 24hrs plus?! Nevertheless, with a blink of the eye, 4 months just flew past. It has been a fantastic journey with him on board! The best is yet to come...await for his return patiently. :)

Meanwhile, i shall just enjoy the very present moment with what has been installed for me. Cos really got stuff/people to catch up. ARghhh..MAKE TIME for them to happen man!

Fun and Excitement!!!!

Till then...

Harshh...Hushhhh....

2006-06-21T01:12:00.000+08:00

It has been quite a rough weekend where i got disappointed. Expectations to begin with in the first place. My harsh attitude on my girls didn't get a good response from them and they got even more demoralised with what i said. Well, i have my own emotions and demons within me to fight. i guessed that didn't work well with them on the way i handled.

Disappointment came to me cos i've not seen the desire and will to fight in them. There's no source to draw strength from such that they'll be able to fight through the race we set ourselves for. Few thought probably i'm comparing them with my previous team which i did not, cos they will never be. Each team has their uniqueness which enhanced their experience as a whole. the fundamental of it all..is that burning desire and will to begin with. Even if you don't have the physical strength..and etc, it is still possible to work things out with whatever resources we have. Don't ever undermine the mental power! Right now, there's no need for building up of stamina and etc, what sets u apart from rest of teams would be the mental state. Really depends on how badly you desire for it to happen. And dragonboat don't work in such way that one person says it all. Cos we do all the rowers, coxswain and drummer to play a part in turning your desire into reality. Not a one-man show definitely.

The rest of it boils down to each individual on...
"How badly do you want it?"

Got this from Coach Carter movie abstract:

Our Deepest fear...
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our Light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves-- Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are we not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinkingso that other people do not feel insecure around you.

We were born to manifest the Glory of God that is within us.

It is not just in some of us, it's in everyone.

And as we let our light shine,we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fears,our presence automatically liberates others.

-Marianne Williamson

This coming weekend will be the last preparation for our team's rehearsal for our final presentation. i really won't know what would come up of it on our grading day. Probably my team mates let out the LIGHT in them and SHINE during the race.

It is my 'mission' to cause some actions to be taken and create a miracle before our eyes. It is gonna be another exciting journey for my team to go through. Make it or break it? Let's see what my team choose.

For me, I choose to make it! And i call for you to stand with me to make our dream into reality. And we shall inspire each other to realise it!

Stay tuned!

Priorities changing.

2006-06-12T00:16:00.000+08:00

Been trying hard to make time for people whom i seldom meet. My friends want to meet me before he comes back or else not much chance. How true..i hope not.

Hmm..just wondering how come when people got attach, their social circle might shrink somehow cos they channel more energy and time towards their boyfriend/girlfriend. Probably cos of change of priorities in their lives where their partner takes up a much higher importance than friends. Recently, I met up with one of my buddies, he also told me same thing- how he drifted away from his friends cos he spends more time with his girlfriend. And i'm one of them i guessed and lucky that we caught up with each other's updates. But he no longer the buddy i used to know, he is mentally drained out from appeasing his girlfriend and tolerating her temper. Even when both of us were having dinner and catching up, his girlfriend would still want her presence to be felt by sms-ing and calling him. I asked "When is the last time you ever have a peaceful meal without her interuptions?" he replied,"You should ask when is the last time i ever have dinner with my friend?" Awww...just felt sadness.

Most of us have encountered the times when we were close with certain friend until he/she got attached and 'throw' you one side..and when he/she happens to break up or get into arguement, then he/she will come back to you for support and encouragement. And some friends simply take you for granted, come back only when one needs.

That's the danger of having your world revolving around your partner and neglect things around you. Probably slowing down might help to let you see things in clearer light. Well, but my friends are pretty understanding knowing i havent met him for a year already! Almost four months of relationship and we have yet to meet. How did we sustain that..well, we just did. Soon...i'll be meeting him. :)

Anyway, my take for this is that no doubt i'll be spending more time with him. But i still wanna keep the years of friendship we build going. And it certainly takes two hands to clap. All we need to do is to ask, and it shall be arranged! hehe.

Still remember how we met? The initial encounter of friendship has deeper impression on me cos that's when it all started. The times we shared..and how you are part of my journey and i am to yours. Interesting. :)

Cheers to our friendship!

Getting closer...

2006-06-10T13:09:00.000+08:00

Been a freaky two weeks of fighting of inner battle. And i'm still fighting to get well. Freaky in the sense of how i got involved with supernatural stuff which prolonged my illnesses somehow. It freaked me out big time cos it was all written down in a book, according to my animal sign. Unknown force. Can't control what's beyond of a human. If spirits/demons (good or bad) exist, then god exist too. Can't remember which movie i watched..is it exorcist 2? If they can prove the existence of demons, then it can jolly well prove the opposite end of God being in existent too.

It is a Saturday afternoon and i usually spend it with my team, training our dragonboat. But not for today. My family strongly object me to go for it cos i havent fully recover. Yeap know they are very concerned. I've given myself a lot of rest, but doesn't seem to get well. kinda frustrated. I went to see doctor today and he gave me stronger medication. And he told me it shouldn't be a problem to train since i dont feel weak after it. So i'll just use my body strength to gauge if i am fit to continue or not. No worries. Probably there's confrontations to face..prior to the big transition coming soon.

Last thursday, I went to run 8km with a few of my team mates. Oh my goodness, it almost killed me man. i been out of training for quite sometime and sadly my stamina has dropped big time man. Gotta rebuild it all over again. Very appreicative of wilson, zhui,weiling to run with me and encourage me all the way. Not giving up on me. They used eric as a motivation to me..so funny la.."come on, he coming back soon..run for him!!!" haha. Love you all! Thanks man! yeah gonna get u guys meet real soon! yeap..Count me in for AHM tho i dunno what it means but is a marthon thgy with 21 clique and 42 clique held in december. Please sign up earlier if not gonna end up like the shape run which is overly-subscribed! Gee...there goes my goodie bag!!! hahaha.

Recently, been into those unique indian accessories- turquoise. Then I got my colleagues, jorida and ah zhui to go in to see with me. Very pretty. then th shop lady was saying she brought them in from Paris. jorida started asking how much is this retro style of necklace? "$50", said the shop lady. The three of us responded cooly.."ohh..i see." slowly we fade out of the shop. Then when we stepped out of the shop, jorida started to say, "wahh...crazy la..$50 for a necklace...$15 i can still consider buying! From paris..got put label...from paris ah?!" haha...She dame cute one. The funny thing about the whole incident is the behavior in the shop..we all reacted cooly upon hearing the $50, but deep inside we have our individual conversations..kb-ying man! haha. One thing i like about her is her frankness and very "shuang kuai"! This type of girls attracted me very much cos is so much easier to know what they want and do things with them. Sometimes i label them as "Hao mannn ahh!" I think maybe that's why i pretty 'gum' with guys cos most of them have that decisivesness in them. And i love to hang out with them. My common kind clique is chuanwei, andrewson and john with me and niki in it. Soon eric will join us. hehe.

With patience, day by day..i'm getting closer. :)

Photos from Xueli's wedding:

MENO ----- PAUSE! (Part II)

2006-05-31T22:42:00.000+08:00

An interesting conversation with Mei, my da jie!

Mei: Do you know what's the real meaning behind menopause?

*joannie think think. medical kind of meaning ah?!

Me: Tell me about it!

Mei: ME-NO-PAUSE! :) As much as woman stops to "create" (procreation), it doesn't mean our creativity or creation in other forms stop. It just means that our energy can now be focused into other forms of creation. Consider that every month, the amount of blood woman lost, making us so tired and drained out, it can now be put into good use.

Make sense to you?

Every stage of our lives is a different level of game. So much so at times we would like to stay at the child level -childhood. But we tend to grow out of that. Some of us grow up. Some of us merely grow old.

The other time was on a table topic on marriage with young adults giving us their perspective on it. One of them RAN away when her boyfriend suggested they should get a flat...which will lead to marriage sooner or later. And she suggested a break-up. *runaway bride in the making* Issue of freedom i guess. Probably to be tied down by responsibilities of setting up family. A complete change of lifestyle. Something familiar. One of them planned to get married but no no to having kids. As for a few of us, we're the traditional ones, standard marriage with kids type. There's nothing wrong with which kind of life you want, ultimately is yours anyway. As what my dad told me before, right now at this stage, you might have this mentality on certain issue, but once you reach my age or enters another stage of your life, your perspective change and it totally change your course of actions. during my younger age, i can't get what my dad was trying to tell me. Now it makes a whole lot of sense to me. At different stage is a different set of rules which you set fo ryourself to play the game, then when you conquor that stage, you may choose to stay or move up. Some people when they get too comfortable, they remain at where they are. For some, they just keep on exploring their boundaries and limits of life and move up to the next level of game. I guess it ultimately depends on what you want out of life itself.

What are you game for?

Meno ----- PAUSE! (Part I)

2006-05-28T21:41:00.000+08:00

For woman's trials in life, if number one is to conceive a child- Motherhood. Then probably the second one is Menopause - Old-age-hood.

Few months back, my mum was going thru menopause and had a hard time adjusting to that period. Basically is the end of menstruation for woman and it is a natural process to every woman who is getting older. What my mum experienced was insomia, tight chest, hot flashes, moodswings and etc. She kept saying that she felt really uncomfortable as if she's going to die soon. Thought of death came across her mind often. Kept harping on what she don't have or what she had lost. Pretty scary, don't know what she'll do anything silly.

How she got thru that period of time, i would contribute it to family and friends' support. My brother and I would educate her is natural for her to feel this way due to menopause. Most of the time, we would provide a pair of listening ears...to hear how lousy she felt. but we always counter what she's good at to make her feel proud of herself. Shine on what she's capable of. Good thing she found herself a clique of friends to hang out with. They spent time drinking coffee, going for supper after work. At times we have to make an appointment with her, just in case she is going out with her friends. Could see that she's beaming with joy. Then i would spend some time asking where they hang out and whether did she enjoy herself. Give her the space and she'll start pouring out!

My aunty is also going thru menopause, similar symptoms. What was interesting about her own conversation - "i'm lousy". She kept harping on the fact that she's not educated, can't read. Did comparison on herself and others. Of cos she felt really lousy! These two women are simply brilliant- mothering and raising three children up and well. Did a fantastic job on housekeeping. Excellent cooks. Shower their love on their kids especially when we fallen ill. LOUSY??? No way man. You think any tom, dick or harry can do such a job?! I doubt so. If being educated is an issue which seemed to them, consider their life situation back then, it didnt give them a chance to be educated. Their family was poor and couldn't afford education for the kids. But well, if they really wanna learn, they can but not necessarily going thru formal education. Their knowledge on cooking and chinese herbs would amaze you and they could translate that knowledge into experience. Being educated is just an advantage.

Often we too sometimes got into the conversation of "i'm lousy", isn't it? Looking at what we can't do, rather than focusing on our strengths. And made them shine. Not able to do something for instance, deprived of an education opportunity, that doesn't make you less a person. Is who you are that matters, not what you can or cannot do!

Just a little piece of advice when your mum goes thru that:

1) Spend time with her - stroll/dinner..anything.
2) Give her space to share - encourage her to pour out her heart
3) SHUT UP and LISTEN HARD - where did her thought come from?
4) Talk with tact

I was sharing with my mum on how she could provide a pair of listening ears to her sis. Consider this, my mum starts to whine about her 4d or toto never strike and before she could go on, I interupt her showing my disapproval towards her gambling. Would she be encouraged to share with me further next time? Chances are..NO! no! no! How loud can that get?!

Often we react to situations when they arise, instead of responding to them. Consider to just shut up and listen. She don't need you to approve or disapprove what she said but she just want to talk to someone. You may have the clarity to see what she said might be silly or what but is obviously not to her. That's something very real for her which she felt. Pay attention to her woes. If she's feeling lousy, probe into it more. Break down her lousiness and how she defines herself to be lousy. After she said her piece, then bring her to see what she've missed or present a possibility such as an alternative perspective.

As the saying goes, you can bring the horse to the water but you can never force the horse to drink. She has to see value in what she is listening to then probably she would consider making some changes for herself.

Be with your mother. Your presence would be appreciated greatly.

What are you passionate in your life?

2006-05-22T00:05:00.000+08:00

How does passion looks for you?

Calls me to do what i wanna do naturally. Something which i love to do it. And excel in it.

I've took up dragonboat since JC 1. This is my fifth year. How time flies. Recently, i met up with my jc team mates and we went into the conversation of why a few of them decided not to take up dragonboat in their respective instituition. Will never get the kind of feeling we created for ourselves during our jc training days. Initially, i thought probably i can create that kind of feeling in team smu, but as time passed, i grew to accept the fact that it will never be the same again. Cos they are two different teams, two different experience but with one common thing - passion for dragonboat. Back in jc days, our team met up everyday for training which include our official land and water training plus our own personal trainings. As for team smu, it will be 3/4 times per week. It might sound crazy to you for those who are not part of this crazy routine, i actually enjoy and look forward for every single training. yes and i very much enjoy the company and bonding session we have. This break that i took, made me realise how much i miss training with my team. I'm left with a lot of time with myself which i spent on reading, taking care of myself and catching up with nyjc team.

Last Saturday, i finally resumed training with my team, rowing together as one. Intensity of training has increased but there's still room for improvement. I can't help but to stress the importance of being concious in every stroke that we execute. The amount of energy we channel to every single stroke, doing as a team so as to bring our boat forward to our destination.

What i realised over the years, i have identified for myself dragonboat is one sport that i would wanna continue for life. Lifetime membership. It really impressed and amazed me how team hdb (which is made up of powerful and strong aunties and uncles of average age is above 45). I applaud them for their fighting spirit and level of discipline they placed on themselves. Even when i reach their age, i will still wanna continue to row with my current/previous or even new team...one way to stay fit and healthy. That's something i want to do which i have chosen. Next, the people who have fought through with me, is really hard to let them run away from my life. Cos these are the people i would like to keep in my life, unless they choose to leave. The kind of training we been through together, the victories and 'failures' that we have tasted, have forged strong bonding in the teams. Some stuff when you're in the experience of it, you'll know which friend of yours gonna continue to be your friend for the rest of your lifetime. Ultimately, it still takes two hands to clap. Need to put in effort to build and maintain from both parties.

yupss...You are cordially invited to my celebration of my living funeral. Guests will know in time to come.:)

How interesting life is to do the things that you want and passionate about. Life is indeed a journey. Say life is a full course that one must take, there are so many modules included to make it whole. For example, Relationship management(sub modules-family/friendship)/Education/Career/Death and etc. Life is the grader or for some is God. Each has only one life to live sounds very DUH! But hey people might be living as tho death will not occur to them any sooner. But well, life is unpredictable. You really dont know when the death door opens at you for you to walk in. Before you walk into that door, you can still choose do what you wanna do and make the best out of life itself.

Take a break

2006-05-15T17:19:00.000+08:00

Last Saturday, I went for two dragonboat trainings consecutively. I was totally utilised to my last bit of energy left in me to bring me home. It was total mental power to keep pushing me on to finish the training sessions. And the importance of staying conscious in what you are supposed to do. There are specific steps for you to handle while executing every stroke. While I heard my tiredness calling me, I channeled my energy to what I am supposed to do. The body was just purely on automation. I will never know where is my limitation of my physical body until I pushed to its maximum. There are also consequences that followed after as a result of such push. My bones on my spine was out of place, hence it caused me to feel pain on my chest. Then earlier on while moving boat for another team, my feet was under the boat. And it cracked a few bones. Now the consequence of it, it is to stay out of training until further notice from my body. An action leads to a consequence- cause and effect. That won't stop me from pushing my limit, it just takes time for the body to adjust to the level of intensity of training, that's all. Is just that I need to listen to my body more than my mind at times. Well, no point crying over spilled milk, will do what I can to recover at my fastest rate. Can't wait to train with my team again. :)

Things happen for a reason, just a matter of perspective on how you look at it. First, it was a lesson on bones by chinese sin seh (seen by peiying). Second, it was nice to meet up with my dad's old friend who had treated him in the past. And they still recognised me and asked about my Mum. Alright, no accident or incident happen for no reason. Sometimes we might have neglected certain areas of our lives and it just serves as a reminder to us. Probably is a sign for me to take care of my feet. Probably this short break I gonna take is gonna prepare and gear me towards the intensive training come june. Probably is a build up of energy, waiting to be exploded when it nears. I'll be back and be back stronger! :)

Anyway I was browsing through Tao Te Jing just now (been hearing so much about it!), saw something.

When people see things as beautiful, ugliness is created.
When people see things as good, evil is created.
Being and non-being produce each other.
Difficult and easy complement each other.
Long and short define each other.
High and low oppose each other.
Fore and aft follow each other.

Joan:
A dichotomy, isn't it? Beautiful vs Not beautiful. Just that people tend to attach ugliness to what is supposed to mean. They co-exist. When there's God, Devil/Satan also exist.

Therefore the Master can act without doing anything and teach without saying a word. Things come her way and she does not stop them; things leave and she lets them go.
She has without possessing, and acts without any expectations.
When her work is done, she take no credit.
That is why it will last forever.

Joan:
The second verse spoke even clearer to me. My life situation has let me encountered important lessons of life through the different experiences by the name of "challenges". When the "challenge" leave, I let go. But sadly, that is in the understanding part but not in the experience context. (coming soon...Stay tuned!)

Knowing vs Experiencing. Right now, most of us are receiving education to prepare for the career we gonna take up in future. We gather knowledge from different disciplines and that pretty much shape our perspective in how things should be like and how we should think probably. So what's next after we acquire so much knowledge, here's where the industrial attachment/ internship comes in. With the basic foundation given by education, next is to practice, build and expand on your personal database. At the end of the day, the knowledge plays little role in our career but what's important is the skills learnt along the way that matters. People management skills, interpersonal skills. Soft skills. That is like the general guideline and tools available to play your game.

How free that is when you have it without possessing, detachment. From Thick Face Black Heart,
Detachment is the secret key to obtaining everything you "want".Have you ever noticed that when you stop wanting something, the object of your desire comes to you naturally? you cannot keep it away from you.

How true that is, isn't it? Personally I experienced that back in my younger days, for example, I longed for a MP3 player and a boyfriend. Then during a lucky draw, it was my first time winning a micro zen without knowing it is a mp3 player then. Yes I am a"'mountain tortise". Then the kind of guy i've always wanted, don't seem to exist in my world. So I dropped the idea that such guy exist and look out for other possibilities. And during my 21st birthday, i hope someone can wrap 'him' up and just give to me! But didn't happen. It was only one week after my birthday, then he finally joined my world. Hey, it was freaking long wait man. But well, things happen for a reason remember? I wasn't ready at the earlier part of my life. Even if i got him then, it would be more of I just needed a shoulder to lean on. It would be of a need/reliance/dependence rather than love.

It brings me to the topic on boy-girl relationship. How some people have the tendency to attach themselves to the relationship, having their world revolving around each other only. Act as if you possessed your partner and expect certain code of conduct by your partner. With expectations, there bound to have disappointments when expectations are not met. Well, gotta be clear that you don't own he or she. Act upon without expectations. These certainly free you up if you could really do it. I guess fundamentally of the issue is your definition of love. What's love? I was doing some research on that and found out 4 types of love:

1) Family (Affection)
2) Friendship
3) Romance
4) God's love (Agape )

What I thought is most important is 5) Self. Love thyself before you learn to love others. Love begins with self and let it flow to others. Love cannot be expressed through words and pictures cos it is in the experience of love that you know that is that.

Remember the times when you are sick, how did your parents take care of you?

Well that's my take for now. :)

Funeral

2006-05-13T01:37:00.000+08:00

What do you noticed about funerals in general?

Sense of sadness. Regret probably. Pity.

And most importantly, there's mourning! The louder..the better that is. I often heard people said that, "This son didn't cry at all for his mother! What a cold creature!" It is right to cry during funerals cos you are supposed to feel sad for the loss. And how do people console you? "Sorry for your loss." Let's give people the benefit of doubt people are truly sad to hear about your loss. But then again, that's how the standard way of saying when you lose someone.

Everyone has that experience at some point in their lives, witnessing the death of someone dear to them. I had my fair share. I held my tears back till the last day. I was pretty obliged to cry out loud. The environment that was created ..i would say it was very condusive to cry. The part that held me back to cry was cos he didnt have to suffer anymore. No more medication and treatment. He was free from suffering the day where he embarked his journey to after life phase (if there is). People came telling me how great man he was. I am still very proud of him. I wished he could see and hear how people spoke about him. Or probably he knew. He wasn't asking and never asking for rewards for the deeds he done. Not expecting any return. do it because you want to. Nevertheless, we should call for celebration!

Though i wished he could have live longer, well things happen for a reason. It was probably a "blessing in disguise", really depends on your perspective to see what lessons you could get out of your tragedy or you can choose to lament on your loss.

Things don't just happened in our lives just like that, consider there's a divine power has already worked out how our lives should turn out (that doesn't mean your life has been fixed. It takes two hands to clap!). And we probably just haven't gotten to go beyond what our eyes can see for the trials and tribulations we have been going through. Draw strength from within and endure through the process cos eventually you'll see light at the end of the tunnel. An opportunity awaits you. Let it present to you. Seize it and accelerate your growth. As for me, I enjoyed these trials of life. When you're in it, you really feel SHIT about it initially. But then again, it's a matter of choice how you wanna deal with it really. If worrying and crying help the situation you're in, please wake up your idea. Or you can choose to do something constructive by facing your issue with courage and start working on it. That will defintely increase the possibility of getting yourself outta that shitty situation.

Back to funeral, I wanted people to talk about how great a person I was when I'm dead initially. But then again, I've considered having a living funeral before i depart this world. And have my families and friends to celebrate and witness this funeral of mine. The best part is..i get to witness my own funeral. And i still can decide how i want it to be like. just one tiny wish...don't cry for me. Celebrate my departure with joy and laughter. Yes you are finally gonna get rid of me. haha. But seriously that's what i wanna hear when i'm in the coffin if i hear you. Wow! How cool that is!

*private joke: Do you think there will be flying coffin available? I can make my last visit to people who have not come visit me! Imagine a coffine coming to your door, "Hi! Joan is dead, would you like to pay your last respect to her?" Oh my gosh..i guess that will really freak the hell outta the poor person. Well just to note, dont make me visit you when i'm gone ok! *evil grinzZ

Welcome to joannie's world!

2006-05-12T14:24:00.001+08:00

Hey all,
i've decided to give a new look, new environment to my blog. Bid farewell to my staygreenalways..shall leave that behind. Good old memories.

let me begin the next phase of my journey here.

What's it like to have a "Living funeral" before you depart?

People usually have their funeral when they are dead. Your families and friends will then come to visit you and pay their last respect. Speak about how great a person you are. But you are already lying in the coffin, waiting for your after-life phase if there is.

Before I leave, i'm gonna witness and live my own funeral.

This is very much inspired by "Tuesday with Morries". When you learn to die, that's when you learn to live. How true that is! People usually gotta go through a brush with death or along those line, to experience a change of perspective. When that happens, you simply strip away what's unimportant and focus on what's important in your life. And live life with that.

Recently, I have been reading this book called "Thick Face, Black Heart".

Thick face is a shield. A thick faced person has the ability to put self-doubt aside. They refuse to accept the limitations that others put on them or the limitations we impose on ourselves.
- to protect yourself from criticisms and negative opinions.

Black heart is a spear. It is the ability to take action without a regard to how the consequences wil affect others A black heart is ruthless - not evil.
- to do battle with others and yourself.

As I read, I am able to relate with my experience on what's the essence. The author is a conscious one! wow..powerful. She is Chin-Ning Chu. She insipres me to begin a personal project of mine. Watch this space.

Succeed in the way you do cos you are the one who define what success means to you. What you hear out there, is defined by society..by the world..How often we loop ourselves to live up to others' expectations of how we should become and we neglect the voice within us.

Aren't you tired yet?